The older I get the more drained I feel

Not because I am not getting enough sleep
Though the moon does keep me up at night

It wasn’t because I was so overworked
though some days are fine to live in dreams

My exhaustion came from people, and this world.
I was having a hard time believing I even belonged here.

My cell phone vibrated the bed with calls…
As I tucked my phone away under my pillow
I took a deep breath trying to let go of the thoughts that were consuming my mind
but I couldn’t help but ask myself…” how could you?”
how could you pretend as if you never saw the call come through?

“ What if they needed you?”

but perhaps today I needed me more ?

I told myself, I was not obligated to speak with anyone on this day if I did not have the desire to.

Some days there is a panic of anxiety in our hearts, our feelings of holding a phone and conversations, irritate us
we would rather be wrapped up in front of a fireplace watching movies, sitting at the beach, or reading a book. We kill time, by doing nothing, but we don’t like to have our time wasted by things we don’t enjoy doing, and especially not by others.

However, these feelings of being selfish for once didn’t just occur to me overnight.
I had always felt as if I was a terrible person for letting the ones I love down
and often I gave in to the feelings because I was so afraid to lose the people who were important to me
Just to be unfulfilled myself

I am not saying, we shouldn’t make time for the people we love, and sometimes we are also required to make the sacrifices so we do not lose ties.

but how important are you for people if they can’t understand your feelings?

“Stop running towards people who wouldn’t run after you
Run for yourself, run for the things that matter to you, that motivate you
the things that will take you far with inspiration. “

It is okay to put yourself before others, because without your abilities to function and make a difference there is no existence of what truly matter to you.

We are not all the same
what I require as a person to be able to present myself is a essentially a different routine from anyone else and of course  of an extrovert.

No one had ever taught me that asking for personal space and creating boundaries was something important for myself and my well being. The thing about boundaries is that it isn’t just for physical space, boundaries provide space and a balanced life, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I wish someone had taught me that as humans we face multiple feelings, and maybe more so as a woman who must deal with hormones and monthlies.
Our body demands quality time for ourselves.

There are days quite often I lay on my bed in my thoughts
Not to miss opportunities to see the people that matter
But because of the reasons that make it essential that I spend time alone
even if it is for a few hours, or one entire day.

It’s important to realize it’s okay to feel the urge to consume all your positive energies… within yourself, and for yourself.

So if you are an introvert learn to let yourself enjoy your private space without feeling guilty
because the people who love you, and care for you will understand.
and if you have introvert friends be mindful of their needs and what makes them, them.

Happy Introverting!

Arisma Mtri

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